Feb the 13th

The number 13 is generally considered inauspicious.

A year ago, this very day i got informally engaged to Kamal my husband. Ours is an arranged marriage, that happened after matching horoscopes and doing background checks. I had but met my husband only once before and we spoke hardly for half hour and we got engaged. Thats it!!! you might ask, heee thats it.....

Funny, most of the half hour went in introductions and getting to know each others background, schooling, likes/dislikes.. and phew.. both of us were happy to take the relationship to the next level. Today a year later when i sit back to wonder (dont ask me what my husband is doing while i find time to blog about our special day :| ) how it all happened.. i am still clueless. A year ago this day i was clueless of what to expect from this relationship that i was getting into and today i am clueless as to how i took such a clueless decision a year ago.

Do i what that day back to think differently??? definitely not. As a child i was a firm believer of arranged marriage, reason no exposure to love marriage. As i grew up i still held the belief close to my heart.. but some how few instances and few circumstances led me to think otherwise. It was a time when i was questioning the culture of arranged marriage (of course in mind). Questions like how would you know if this is the guy? how can a few meeting help me decide my life partner? how will i know if we both will get along together? the most dominant one of all was.. how will i know if i will come to love, respect and admire the guy? You might ask with so many questions why go for arranged marriage.. The answer though ego shattering is very simple i could not find the guy on whom i went head over heels!!!!

All the while the "elders" of the house kept telling me that there is nothing called made for each other in real world, there is nothing called love at first sight (given the kind of intellectual and analytical creature that i am, the possibility of this was very remote) no ready made formula to become the most loving and ideal couple. The younger couples (recently married/ committed ones) kept telling me that when you see the guy it just happens, you know that this is the guy for you... they made it sound very intuitive. If there is one thing that all these talks could do to me.. it made me more confused than ever. My questions starting with "HOW" only increased day by day.

Then the most obvious question in your mind is how did i say yes to Kamal. Did light burn, bell ring or one of that ballet background music surface as i met him.. what was the indication??? So here is how it goes, the photo that Kamal had shared with me before we met was not one of his best (though he thinks its good) seeing that photo and then seeing Kamal made a huge difference. He looked hundred times smarter than i had expected him to be, that was bails out!!! I hate when guys take sneak peeps at a girl.. Kamal looked at me only when we had direct conversations, otherwise his eye contact was only with the person he spoke (i seriously lost a stump for this..). When our half hour started we both started of with random topics and it seemed we had few things in common and one most important thing was GS and Bangalore (lost another stump... :D ). We met at the Parthsarathy temple, finally after we spoke and as we were coming in i could see aarthi being shown to the main God (so light did burn with him next to me) and when i stepped in the dhwajasthambam bell rang (bells did ring) and the final stump too had to falter and take the ground at this stroke and i lost the final stump.

So reading all this what do you understand??? Firstly you should realise that i have been forced to hear a lot of cricket.. sometimes it starts as early as morning six o clock and ends as late as night eleven o clock. Secondly some how what your better half likes does rub into you :D.

In this one year what is it that i have learnt about arranged and love marriage. Be it love or arranged.. marriage is coming together of two different personalities. Oooops got the text book definition, sorry guys will try again. Be it love or arranged marriage it takes two people to make it work. My guru had once said marriage is a life long journey of understanding, loving, knowing and discovering with two people and i cannot agree more. Whatever be the tag attached to the word marriage (love/arranged/forced) it is the thing, that makes two lives beautiful only until in agreement.

It is a beautiful celebration...13th Feb.. the most auspicious day of my life shall be.. !!

lets keep it simple!

Not a stone unturned. You tried your best.. and possibly a little more.

I am sure all of you would have gone through such moments. You know you want it and you believe thats the right thing to happen.. and you do everything within your control to make it possible. But somehow things don't happen the way you desire. They say when you want something very badly.. thats when he plays with you.. and he tests your patience. your tolerance..

During all such times all you can do is to sigh helplessly and wonder what is he preparing me for.. what does he want me to understand.. what has he in store for me.. what is it he wants me to look that i am overlooking.. where is it that i need to bring in those corrections or adjustments.. questions pop up... what are the signs that he is showing that am not seeing.. possibly he wants me to develop acceptance.. possibly he wants me to fight harder.. for the harder you fight the more you cherish and the more meaningful your victory becomes. Does he want it my way? or does he want it his way? Should i accept and give in? or should i be more stubborn and more rigid? What is it that i want? and at what cost do i want it? what is the "trade off" am willing to pay.. accept...

I cant help but wonder at the design of life.. it creates in you a strong desire and makes you feel you are in control of your life.. yet there is a twist and it also shows you how helpless you are in fulfilling that desire. Hee!! my friend says its all about choices and what you are willing to trade off.. So true cant help but agree she has a point.. but somehow i am fascinated by this paradox of desiring yet not being able to get it...

Possibly this intellectual mind of mine cant comprehend or understand the logic behind the whole thing.. but from somewhere deep within a voice whispers.. "charavati  charavati" (keep going keep going) and the heart cries "lets see how the game goes!"

"little hearts"

They walk into your life as you step into a new world. A world of knowledge and wisdom.

You start as cry mates, crying all the while.

You never know when this bond becomes that of laughing.

Soon you find yourself in each others company crying out of laughter.

Then comes a time.. i call it the cribbing time.. anything and everything about the world you crib.

You feel why the world around you is so dumb.. not accepting your opinions not understanding your view points..

During all those times the bond becomes that of a supporting pillar.

Slowly you start appreciating and seeing the beauty around you.. during all those times they become your sight seeing buddy..

During time of need they become the shoulder you lean on..

Slowly.. gently.. even without your knowledge.. they creep so much into your heart..

That one fine day you understand somehow..somewhere this bond has become so much a part of you..

That you no longer think of them as apart from you..

Closing Ceremony

Never felt more patriotic about my country ... proud to be an India.. what a ceremony.. world class.. or should i say India redefined....

So electrifying.. scintillating.. so much of energy. mind blowing.. pulse accelerating.. thats how the closing ceremony of the common wealth games concluded..

Bravo Delhi!! Bravo India!! Proud of my country!!!

Existential timing

Just a run through of few years in my life..

Cleared my twelth standard exams with good marks and decided to take up Chartered Accountancy. Dad insisted on me going to college. Given that i did my schooling in a Christian institute the obvious choice was Stella.. but things did not work out the way we wanted and i ended up in Ethiraj evening college.. I did not like it as none of my school friends joined along with me.. Little did i know when i stepped into the college i will find a treasure which i will cherish for my lifetime.. Got a very very sweet friend who is today my best best friend.. :)

Joined CA and after lots and lots of debate joined articleship in my uncle's firm. My first job and it meant a lot to me.. with lots of questions i walked into the office. Little did i know when i stepped into that office i will find another sweet cute friend who is today another best friend of mine.. :)

Cleared CA got placed through campus placements in an MNC in Bangalore.. relocated for the job. Dont ask me how the first few months were.. away from home i was totally messed up.. New place, new office, no friends, no known faces.. nobody to talk to.. it was very difficult. But as time passed and i looked around... i realized i was surrounded by friends. Be it my roomie..or my team mate.. or buddy.. or my crazy sindhi friend... :) Little did i know when i stepped into blr that i will find such lovely friends and a sweet buddy.. :)

Two years in blr.. lots of activities happening in life.. decided to relocate back to Chennai. Started looking out for a job seriously and landed with one in no time. In the process found a different friend... again little did i know what was in store for me when i relocated back.. :)

Four months in the city.. a question of relocation came up again... few learning experiences.. few tough decisions had to be taken.. little did i  know the bigger picture... Life continued....
Subject plus a project of Alma Mater is something i always wanted to be a part of, this year got a chance to participate in it... and I finished it successfully.. in process i understood there is always a bigger picture in life...

Today as i was sitting in the concluding session of subject plus.. with masterminds no longer compulsory.. i was stumped by yet another twist.. This is the first mm that is not mandatory after subject plus.. and i am skipping it.. :) timing thats all i can say..

So many times i have been told about fate.. about destiny.. about a divine plan that guides us through.. Never have i realised its presence in my life to such a great degeree.. i can go on and on with so many "little did i know when i stepped in" experiences in my life.

Just looking back at all those moments in life.. in each disappointment.. or should i say in each change or each transition i have found someone special walking into my life.. so many of these people, i know will remain with me for a long long time...or should i say a lifetime.. :) i have to wait and see.. but experiencing them has been a wonderful wonderful experience.. these are people outside the family yet they all seem so much a part of the family..  :D

Love you guys!!

Sunday is coming... why dont you take a few mins off.. press the rewind button and look at all your blessings... which have come into your life...invariably you will be in awe at the perfect timing..

i call it existential timing.. !!!

sometimes you just cant help it...

i have been warned of consequences if i write this article... but sometimes you just cant help it.. human tendency i would call it.. but i know some would say its sheer kollupu.. sheer timuru.. sheer bandha.. and rebelliousness.. yeah.. whatever be it sometimes you just cant help it.

Okay i know i have tested your patience enough. The point is i went for a walk today early in the morning for forty five mins. Ya.. i did need some motivation and bro came along. Trust me the first line he uttered as we were about to begin our walk was.."mind you go and post this in your blog.. and you will surely face the consequence". One thing i like about my bro is sometimes he talks sense.. and today was no exception. As  we were about to finish our walk.. (one he was surprised i covered so much distance in so less time.. two he jogged and i walked still it looked as if i worked out more) jokes apart he said something very beautiful... he said there is nothing great about doing things once.. doing it consistently is when you can take the pride in telling the world you did....

So why am i writing this article with just one day of walking... hee heee when you are threatened you surely wish to explore the possibilities.. and you just want to prove the point... sometimes you just cant help it..

love u bro..

seating arrangements

never known seating arrangements could make a difference at work place..

Joined a new company and was allocated a desk..right opposite to my big boss.. few people in my team looked at me with a sense of vengance.. their stare seem to tell me this is not fair.. Little did i realise what they meant, until recently....

Due to various vastu reasons our team location was changed from one end of the floor to the other end.. and it so happened now all those people who looked at me with vengance, now look at me with a sense of satisfaction.. again i wonder.... and little did i realise until recently..

Human nature i tell you.. what delight in seeing some one go through the same uncomfortableness that we went through.. what delight in seeing someone in fix.. what delight in seeing some one get embarssed.. what delight in seeing some one controlled..

That was the satisfaction i saw in their faces.. my 22 inch monitor (which i was all smiles when i received it) has today turned a traitor allowing a forget 90 degree.. forget 180 degree.. forget 360 degree... i would say a three dimensional picture of what i do to my big boss.. yeah.. :(  it is his desk that is currently diagonal to mine giving him a perfect view of my monitor...

aaaaaaaaaggrrrrrrrrhhhhhhh!! what else can i do but be procative.. what else can i do but say no to procastination.. seating arrangements i tell you...... makes all the difference...!!! :D

romance under my nose..

There was this girl who always thought she could read people. Seeing someone i can make out what type of a person they are.. was a proud thought she always carried. She thought she was shrewd.. sharp..intuitive in detecting those type of feelings in others.. you understand right..those those type.. exactly.. :)

She had two very good friends.. and these two were among themselves very good friends. Now in this triangle of friendship starts the story.. the story of two good friends..

So you might be wondering why is the title romance under my nose.. its so called because.. these two good friends..slowly became the best of friends.. slowing became..boy friend.. girl friend to each other (sorry forgot to mention these two where from different gender) and then became fiance and soon will become life partners..

In their journey from good friends to life partners.. they have kept so many of us on our toes.. or edge of our seats.. as you may call it.. and we are still trying to figure out the romance that happened right under our noses..

Well we have a deal that someday.. possibly out the sheer interest that i have persistantly shown in knowing their love story and given the fact that i have stopped thinking they would take my case and share the story behind the romance that happened right under my nose..

Nose or no nose.. today it is wonderful to see both of them together and i wish and pray that all happiness and love showers into their lives and as the saying goes.. heaven on earth..i wish each moment of their life be a heaven on earth experience in their lives.. :)

love you both!! :)

Cute wishes....

Cleaning, Cleaning and Cleaning. Its really weird.. when u clean, you become dirty.... that's the beauty of the activity.

Last week after a week full of relaxation i was eagerly waiting for the weekend (of course to relax as i got tired during the week relaxing). It was one of those beautiful Saturday morning.. i got up with the idea that i am going to do nothing, for the day.. i was so happy it was going to be my lazy day. But as all of you know.. mummy's always have this extra-ordinary ability of making you switch gears. Just few hours into the day, i walked into my room with full determination and zeal. I decided to embark into the venture of cleaning the drawers in my table.. (yes you are right i am referring to that small table next to my bed)

You may ask me, Ramya for cleaning two drawers did you have to give one para build up.. but guys it took me close to four hours before i victoriously emerged out of the cleaning (of course dirty..)

It was a beautiful feeling though.. as i was cleaning came across my LKG to 12th Std mark sheet... it was an experience to go through them. There was a time when it meant so much... so many sleepless nights, tensed, anxious moments... and last week when i had the report cards in my hand... it was a euphoric feeling, i felt jubilant, ecstatic, delighted, triumphant, elated... i felt so good about myself from a tiny toddler to a Chartered Accountant.. what a journey!!! I have never felt more proud of myself..

As i unearthed (its a restricted area nobody in the family is allowed to touch it) so many more memories came gushing out.. so many cards.. so many wishes... each one of them...so precious, so unique, so loving from people who are very close to my heart.. i am at loss of words to describe how much it all means to me today. Came across several wishes.. this one stood out... so just thought of sharing it with you guys. Here we go....

May God

Grant you Always....

A sunbeam to warm you,

A moonbeam to charm you,

A sheltering angel so nothing can harm you,

Laughter to cheer you,

Faithful friends near you,

and whenever you pray heaven to hear you....

I wish the same for all of you.... :)

What a way to end the week and that's how my Saturday ended. With a close up smile all through the evening... smiling to myself.. feeling good about everything and everybody around me. and here i go towards another weekend.. looking forward to and also wanting to be lazy...lets see if mom's talent is going to work this weekend and if yes what is it that i am going to discover..

Happy weekend.... :)

Oh!!! I am growing....

There is so much to say, so much to write, thoughts cloud my mind, but words fail to express.
My heart cries aloud, but the mind refuses to budge, oh how am i caught in between this tuff dual.
Yet i chose to listen to my heart, and here i try to pour it out.
Time they say heals everything...time they say speeds across everything.... and it is this time that has changed so many things and yes my life is no exception...
It just seems like yesterday, i packed my bags to move towards a new dream, towards a rising horizon, towards a new career.
Away from loved ones. Away not knowing what it meant to be away. Not knowing what to expect, what to accept.. was the journey scary u would ask me..
Not just scary it was terrible i would say. Alone and lonely, scared to death (you know me brave face in the forefront), depressed yet cheerful, frightened yet optimistic.. yes that was me..something within and something outside..
It was different, difficult and stressful and slowing things seemed to change...the fog seemed to clear and i found a lot. My eyes opened to all the wonderful people around me, to all the good things that was happening to me, all the heart warming beautiful moments i experienced.. that i got to cherish for life time. So may good buddies.... so many good friends and so many good people.. i never knew relationships could mean so much. i experienced a depth i have never felt before, a blind love towards life the way i have never felt before....it is beautiful when you see world with a different eye. The journey that started into the unknown with just one faith and belief carried me through and here i take another decision and in a whisker... just at the wink of an eye my life is taking a whole new turn..a whole new meaning ..a new perspective.

It may be stupid to hear it from me, but the fact is... it is still sinking in... its slowly seeping in... the fact and the thought that i am growing.... my loved ones are growing.... a new generation is coming in.....
It has hits me hard..each time i see that beard on my brother’s face..each time i hear my kid sister taking about collage..my kid brother negotiating with his mom...toddlers moving into high school... things are changing... growing around you and me.

Just stopped by to tell all of you that i love you and thanks for being there all along... supporting me encouraging me.... i still feel like a kid.... i don’t want to acknowledge that i am growing.. but the fact remains.... and it is still sinking in......
 
Oh!!! i am growing.. :)

Is it worth it?

Do you have the right to do this to your loved ones?

I had not know him very well, met a couple of times. From what I remember, he was a very nice guy, outspoken, friendly, ambitious, smart and intelligent. Eldest son of a middle class family, yes as most of the families they pinned their hopes on him. Hope for a better future, hope for a better quality of life, hope for a good standard of living, hope that they would grow up and move up in this lifetime. He was their hope and he too knew it.

He took up education with full vigour and joined a college in Chennai. Life was on a roll, he enjoyed the independence, the new sense of responsibility, the challenge his course offered and above all he loved what he was doing. One of the outstanding students in the class, he was all geared up for the campus interview.

Call it fate, blame it on your stars, call it by any name you want the fact remains the same. That day he decided to board an electric train to visit his aunt’s place and life has never been the same for his loved ones.

I was on a vacation when i heard the news of his loss. 20 years is this the age... a train accident... is this the way... I was shocked...I could not comprehend the facts; his family would not even get to see his remains. Whom do I curse? Do I curse the train? Do I curse the boy? Do I curse life? Do I curse God? Do I curse fate? Whom should I blame for the plight of his family? For the pain, the trauma, the suffering, the depression, the loss that the family would go through. Whom should I hold responsible?

Relatives and friends where frantically thinking of a way to break the news to the boy’s family. What could they tell, to a mother, whose entire life revolved around her son, a sister who looked up to her brother as a role model, a father who was taking pride and satisfaction in the way his son’s life was shaping, grandparents who lived their last few years with the hope to see him grow... to see him achieve. How do you tell this family that their son is no more?

In the midst of all these, one question in all our minds was, how did it happen? He was ran over by a speeding train as he was crossing the track. But how could he miss a train coming? How could he be so blind? So deaf? The answer was simple; he was talking on his mobile phone as he was crossing the railway track.

I was shaken. Had that boy waited to pick the call until he reached the platform, today he would have been alive. Irony isn’t it “Mobile Phone”, “I Pod”, “MP3 Player” seem to rule our life. While walking, jogging, crossing, driving, riding we are hooked on to them. Nothing seems to exist. Replying to that message becomes important as you are walking on the road, answering that phone call becomes vital as you are driving your car, listening to that song becomes a necessity as you are riding your bike, talking and listening, oblivious to everything happening around you seems correct doesn’t it? His life has taught me, it’s not worth it... that mess, that missed call, that song, that call is not worth it, not worth the risk, not worth the minute, not worth the safety I am trading, not worth the pain and suffering my loved ones would go through, not worth my future and ... it’s definitely not worth my life. I had to lose a cousin to realise this....