Is it worth all the energy...

At work I love to do a lot of talking, be it putting forth my ideas, debating about the rights and wrongs, explaining things, or just plain gossip and cribbing. I do all of it and I do it most of the time. Today was as usual at work, I had put forth my idea and it was shot down. I was asked to see the bigger picture. My first reaction was to crib. For the next hour or so, every human being that I met on the floor, I kept cribbing and went about telling how right I was and how wrong they were, my justifications were a lot and I was in a complete defensive mode (by the way thats my usual). Of course I did save my skin by putting a caveat to all those who care to listen 'may be they are right, but this is how i was taught to think, not sure what I am missing here'.

We went out for a team lunch and I got back home. With my defensive mode still "on", I took a phone call from my colleague at work, and he was one of those persons I had missed cribbing while at office. We discussed work and I started cribbing immediately, as I was talking I realised that I might have been on speaker (my boss's desk was just couple of desks away from this guy) and what if my boss was hearing the conversation!!?? At this thought the very tone of my conversation changed and I ended it on a positive note stating I was pleased with my role and felt it gave me a lot of scope to learn and grow. I am sure the guy was surprised with my sudden love towards the role. 

This incident kept lingering and got me thinking. Why all this cribbing? Why is the sudden change of tone at the thought that I might be heard by my boss? Why this facade? These questions kept haunting me.. and then I realised "what a disease, this cribbing is?". It gave me sense of being right and it helped my ego to remain intact. The right thing would have been to convince my boss about my idea without taking a "no" for an answer or to get convinced about the bigger picture he was referring to. These two options would have helped me gain out of the experience, instead I chose a lesser option of cribbing to satiate by ego. I realise that cribbing is nothing but an act of cowardice, the more I do the lesser I become, for all the opportunities to grow would be lost in the process.

So I told myself, the next time I catch myself cribbing, I will need to give myself a good shake and find a solution. Next time I hear someone cribbing, may be I will just let it be or may be I share this post and leave them with the thought.. "is it worth all the energy??!!!"