Putting up...

So crowded, so cramped, no space, no time.. thats how my head has been for sometime now. You become the environment you surround yourself with. Put up with it long enough and it becomes a part of you so much so that you feel a lot of discomfort when you let go of it.

I got a new slipper few months back, local brand (which means the rate sticker is stuck on the sole facing us and we invariably avoid to rip it off as our feet will anyway cover it). I continued using the slipper with the sticker on it and each time i wore it, it would prick and i would chose to ignore. This continued for a long time, the sticker poking and i choosing to ignore. (dont ask me why i did not chose to rip it off and save you from the agony and pleasure of reading this post!! :) ). Today after a month i removed the sticker and now the slipper no longer hurts.. but my mind which is so tuned to the discomfort is now not able to take the comfort even though it is good for me. It feels weird and distracted.

My office system has a mouse connected to it. Over the last six months the mouse is posssessed (thats how my collegues call it). It does not listen to  me.. if i want to open one file it will always chose to ignore me. I want to move a mail from inbox to a folder it always defies me by going into an unintended folder. Again not sure why.. i have put up with this mouse for the last six months. Today (the day for all realisations) i replaced it with another collegue's mouse and the result.. again it feels weird as there is no longer a war between the mouse and me.. it so willingly abides to my wishes.

In both the instances the only thought in my mind was i had put up with a wrong for a while and today the wrong has become a part of my life. Trying to let go and changing feels so different and uncomfortable.

So putting up with something (i am using the word in a negative connatation), putting up with something for sometime make it our second nature. However small be it, i will decide to respond to things rather than putting up with it.

Putting up indeed pulls you down!

Feb the 13th

The number 13 is generally considered inauspicious.

A year ago, this very day i got informally engaged to Kamal my husband. Ours is an arranged marriage, that happened after matching horoscopes and doing background checks. I had but met my husband only once before and we spoke hardly for half hour and we got engaged. Thats it!!! you might ask, heee thats it.....

Funny, most of the half hour went in introductions and getting to know each others background, schooling, likes/dislikes.. and phew.. both of us were happy to take the relationship to the next level. Today a year later when i sit back to wonder (dont ask me what my husband is doing while i find time to blog about our special day :| ) how it all happened.. i am still clueless. A year ago this day i was clueless of what to expect from this relationship that i was getting into and today i am clueless as to how i took such a clueless decision a year ago.

Do i what that day back to think differently??? definitely not. As a child i was a firm believer of arranged marriage, reason no exposure to love marriage. As i grew up i still held the belief close to my heart.. but some how few instances and few circumstances led me to think otherwise. It was a time when i was questioning the culture of arranged marriage (of course in mind). Questions like how would you know if this is the guy? how can a few meeting help me decide my life partner? how will i know if we both will get along together? the most dominant one of all was.. how will i know if i will come to love, respect and admire the guy? You might ask with so many questions why go for arranged marriage.. The answer though ego shattering is very simple i could not find the guy on whom i went head over heels!!!!

All the while the "elders" of the house kept telling me that there is nothing called made for each other in real world, there is nothing called love at first sight (given the kind of intellectual and analytical creature that i am, the possibility of this was very remote) no ready made formula to become the most loving and ideal couple. The younger couples (recently married/ committed ones) kept telling me that when you see the guy it just happens, you know that this is the guy for you... they made it sound very intuitive. If there is one thing that all these talks could do to me.. it made me more confused than ever. My questions starting with "HOW" only increased day by day.

Then the most obvious question in your mind is how did i say yes to Kamal. Did light burn, bell ring or one of that ballet background music surface as i met him.. what was the indication??? So here is how it goes, the photo that Kamal had shared with me before we met was not one of his best (though he thinks its good) seeing that photo and then seeing Kamal made a huge difference. He looked hundred times smarter than i had expected him to be, that was bails out!!! I hate when guys take sneak peeps at a girl.. Kamal looked at me only when we had direct conversations, otherwise his eye contact was only with the person he spoke (i seriously lost a stump for this..). When our half hour started we both started of with random topics and it seemed we had few things in common and one most important thing was GS and Bangalore (lost another stump... :D ). We met at the Parthsarathy temple, finally after we spoke and as we were coming in i could see aarthi being shown to the main God (so light did burn with him next to me) and when i stepped in the dhwajasthambam bell rang (bells did ring) and the final stump too had to falter and take the ground at this stroke and i lost the final stump.

So reading all this what do you understand??? Firstly you should realise that i have been forced to hear a lot of cricket.. sometimes it starts as early as morning six o clock and ends as late as night eleven o clock. Secondly some how what your better half likes does rub into you :D.

In this one year what is it that i have learnt about arranged and love marriage. Be it love or arranged.. marriage is coming together of two different personalities. Oooops got the text book definition, sorry guys will try again. Be it love or arranged marriage it takes two people to make it work. My guru had once said marriage is a life long journey of understanding, loving, knowing and discovering with two people and i cannot agree more. Whatever be the tag attached to the word marriage (love/arranged/forced) it is the thing, that makes two lives beautiful only until in agreement.

It is a beautiful celebration...13th Feb.. the most auspicious day of my life shall be.. !!

Diwali...

It is called ‘The festival of lights’. Just got curious around the origin of this festival and did some digging and found out that Diwali is celebrated on a new moon day. The word Deepavali in Sanskrit means row of lamps. These facts got me wondering, festival of lights during the winter on a new moon day with rains round the corner….

Recently I have been assigned to a project (which is a collection of problems) and my main job is to do a root cause analysis and understand the cause of the issues… Extending it further thought of doing some further analysis to get a wider picture a high level overview.. (Phew!!! So much of corporate language.. this is what happens if you blog after a reallllly long time). Jokes apart, did some browsing and here are some more tit bits (most of which you guys will be already aware of) about this festival:

It’s the day celebrated as Goddess Lakshmi’s birthday

It’s the day when Rama returned to Ayodhya after 14 years of exile

It’s the day when Narakasura (as the name suggests a bad guy) was killed by Lord Krishna and his wife Satyabhama and peace was established in the world

It’s the day when Krishna defeated Indra (remember the serial we used to see as kids in Doordarshan.. a small boy balancing the entire mountain in his little finger! Yup you got it right)

It’s the day when Pandavas returned after 13 years of exile

It’s the day when Lord Mahavira attained Nirvana

It’s the day when King Ashoka the great embraced Buddhism

It’s the day when Maharishi Dayananda, the founder of Arya Samaj attained Nirvana

The list goes on and on… looks like over the last several centuries, we have lots and lots of reasons to celebrate this day….

Can’t help but mention a line I read ‘while the story behind Deepavali varies from region to region the essence is the same, to rejoice in the Inner Light (Atma) or the underlying Reality of all things (Brahman)’

Quiet philosophical right!!!

Going back to the childhood days, I remember looking forward to this day only to wear the new clothes, eat yummy sweets and burst crackers not to mention the good cinemas you to get to watch in the TV (well today I can think of only one addition.. to this list.. a day off from work which means full day chit chatting with the family). But today after so many years, when I look back at the reason for celebrating this festivel.. just impressed as to how one day appeals to so many religions in so many different ways!

Diwali a day to celebrate greatness a day to be filled with positive energy and vibrance. This happens to be a very special Diwali for me... my first as a Mrs :) Looking forward to all the celebrations, sweets, movies, gifts and more importantly the wishes and blessings i will receive on this day!!!!

For many of you this is your first of its kind.. and for all others each time is as different as the first.. so

Happy Deepavali!!!

Wishing this Deepavali to be a landmark in each of your lives in the sweetest way possible,

moments to treasure

another cute poem adding to this treasure of mine... not my composition though..

If i could have just one wish,

I would wish to wake up everday

to the sounds of your breath on my neck,

the warmth of your lips on my cheek,

the feel of your heart beating with mine...

Knowing that I could never find that feeling

with anyone other than you..

in faith miracles happen...

26th Jan.. what is in it for you?

Holidays in the middle of the week is always a welcome as they make the week look really short. 

26th Jan seemed like just another day to me. Started the day like any other holiday.. lazing around.. reading books.. wasting time.. the only things i was looking forward was the catch up i would have with my friend.

I always look forward to these catch ups as these are times when we sit back to think.. from where to where and from here to where.. these are catch ups where we promise to each other that we will always be there for one another. Had a really good time it is always a treat to see your friends so happy and it was surely contagious :)

That night as i sat to reflect upon the happening of the day.. somewhere i realised it was the Republic Day. Lost in thought.....

As a kid i used to look forward to this day in so much of anticipation.. waiting to see the parade.. waiting to see different states being represented in different ways..  waiting to see the armed forces marching with immaculate perfection.. and it was always a tuff choice to make.. between the Delhi parade that would be live telecast in Doordarshan and the Chennai parade that happens few kms from my house. So much of wonder, so much of excitement.. and as the national anthem is played the pride that used to swell in my heart ( I still get inspired by our national anthem).. somewhere i realised i was losing it all..

Cant help but ask myself this question.. what did this day mean to me? Did it mean just another day off from work.. another day filled with special programs and special movies in the television? another day just to relax and recharge my system?

Well i wasnt thinking about the independence we got or the sacrifices made by our leaders and fellow citizens to get us that independence. I was just wondering where the excitement went.. pinning the national flag.. singing the national anthem.. standing there mesmerised as the tanks pass by.. trying to get the salute right.. wondering how President stood there giving the salute for such a long time.... :)

It is such a special day for this great nation and me born in this nation at one of its best era.. I dont have great things in mind yet.. but in my own small ways, i definitely think i can contribute... It is a day i believe to promise myself that someday i will make this country proud in my own small or big way i still dont know.. !!!!

travel opens.. mind and shows u a different perspective to life.. :)